i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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