I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize