singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
