i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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