Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
