I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
