How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
