she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
