I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
