Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
