he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize