They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
