lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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