I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
