Her vagina should come with caution tape.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
