I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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