went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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