I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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