Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
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