Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
