i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
