people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize