You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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