Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
We had sex on a dog bed..
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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