we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
