He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
