Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
