Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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