If i come over, it means nothing
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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