There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
