Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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