I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
