ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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