I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
