By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
