his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
