we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
