I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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