Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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