I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
