Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize