she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
