the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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