were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize