Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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