***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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