A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
