You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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