I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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