I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
