All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
