I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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