But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize