READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
