super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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