Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I want to fling myself into the sun
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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