I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
