Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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