Don't make out with my wife yet
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
