She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
