I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
