So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
where are you?
Hypothermia
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
