my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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