the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize
