I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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