apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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