I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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