I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
