living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
