Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
