my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
