just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
