I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The uberlube is also flammable
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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