I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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