someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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