i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
