There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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