dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
