I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
