I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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