i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Randomize
