I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
