there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
