Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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