I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
