You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Randomize
