I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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