Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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