Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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