Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
