So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
