Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
