you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
