dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
sarcasm needs its own font
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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