Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize