I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
