Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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