the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize