it was like his penis was on wheels.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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