Your mouth is God's brothel.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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