there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
