fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize