people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize