***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
